My Journey as a Writer so Far

Journal, pen, and flowers

As soon as I wake up, my mind starts racing. I always had a lot of thoughts in my head. Most of all opinions about movies, myself, people, the latest trends on social media. Really, anything. I don’t think I’ve ever had the chance to express my thoughts. Often, I feel like I’m criticizing something, rather than simply sharing what’s on my mind. I’d feel bad for having too many thoughts, especially if they were negative, so I’d keep them to myself. And those thoughts, they’re hard to shake off. The only time they quiet down is at the end of the day, when I take a melatonin gummy to calm them and help me sleep, or when I go for a long run and all I can focus on is my breathing.

I never saw myself as a writer. My thoughts always felt too scrambled up in my head, too chaotic to structure into neat, cohesive sentences that others could understand, and feel too. So, I didn’t see the point in trying to turn my thoughts into writing. My feelings were so intense, so overwhelming, that when I wrote them down and read them back, I’d just feel silly for feeling so much. My writing could never live up to those emotions. I could never find the right words to capture the mess of thoughts swirling around in my head. (Yes, I was journaling for the wrong reasons!)

However, I feel that there has to be a reason why some individuals are just constantly thinking, beyond simply being stuck in their own heads and maybe experiencing a bit of anxiety. Isn’t thinking supposed to lead to communication? To sharing thoughts, ideas, and feelings? If I never at least tried to put my thoughts into words, how would I ever get better at expressing them? Doesn’t everyone start somewhere?

Balloons with face expressions

So, I joined HerCampus, a college magazine. I enjoyed writing for them. To be honest, it was hard to publish my work. Sometimes I wouldn’t submit it. I knew not many people would probably read it, but the idea of putting my opinions and feelings out there made me uncomfortable. Still, I wanted to get past that discomfort.

After college, I thought my writing journey started and ended with HerCampus. But then, I got a text through GroupMe. Ribbon Magazine was looking for writers. At first, I thought about applying, then ignored the message. Days went by, and I kept thinking about it. A few more days passed, and finally, I decided to go for it and apply. 

I’m glad I decided to apply. I still don’t think I’m the best writer. When it comes to grammar, I’m the worst. But that’s not what I’m focused on, I’m not trying to be the writer with perfect grammar (though I probably should try harder at that). What I want is to be the kind of writer who can find the right words to capture emotions.

As I continue to write and publish more, I’m getting more comfortable with putting my thoughts and feelings out there for anyone to read. But most importantly, I’m getting more comfortable with my thoughts and feelings. I’m learning to express myself in better ways, and I hope that, through my writing, others can connect—whether they agree, disagree, or just feel something. That’s all I really want: to share something genuinely and make others think.