Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Love? Our Obsession With Romance

Romance. It’s everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Look at the last book you read, the last movie you watched, the last TV show you binge-watched. Can you tell me, truthfully, that there was absolutely zero mention of romantic partners, zero kissing, zero cheesy pet names, or…zero doing the deed? 

Probably not. Well, maybe, but for the sake of this article think back to the last time you were exposed to any of that. It shouldn’t take long.

My point is that romance has been a staple of our society for centuries (though the modern form of what we consider romantic love is said to have its origins in the 18th century when society encouraged young people to select their marriage partners based on their romantic attachments). We’re bombarded with it every Valentine’s Day in the drugstore holiday aisle and those cringe-worthy chocolate commercials. We see our friends on social media constantly posting selfies with their SO, or those “We’re engaged!!!!!” photos not even an hour after the fact. Our entire lives, we’re told everyone has a soulmate, that our meet-cute is just waiting to happen, and once it does everything will be perfect and wonderful. That, as the Beatles once said, “All You Need Is Love.” 

But what about those who don’t have or have never had romantic experiences? What about those who feel constant FOMO whenever they venture out into the world? Or what about those who don’t have an interest in dating or romantic love? Those who are aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?

As someone who hasn’t yet been in a relationship at a time when it seems nearly everyone around my age has, I constantly feel behind. As if I’ve missed my chance to have The Great Teenage Romance Experience™, something literally romanticized beyond belief in the societal consciousness. It’s as if I’ve been cut off from a fundamental human experience that can only happen once. Logically I know that I’m still young and my life, in several respects, has barely begun. I know having or not having a partner doesn’t define who I am. Yet so often it feels like it does. 

People––especially women––are taught from a young age that romantic love defines their worth. Sure, education’s great. Sure, a fulfilling career is fine. But if you have a partner who you love and who (hopefully) loves you, you’ve done it. You’ve found success. And if that particular relationship doesn’t work out––which is often unfairly blamed on the woman––it’s time to get into another one. Even if it’s somewhat toxic. Even if the person you love doesn’t reciprocate in the way you want and deserve. As long as you have someone to bring as a plus-one to this wedding or that party. 

Why are we so obsessed with romance and finding “The One”? Well, it gives us a sense of feeling wanted. It gives us a sense of purpose, of being, of belonging. In the best situations, it boosts our self-esteem and self-confidence. It gives us the emotional and physical connection we crave. Also…of course, media. Films, shows, books, magazines, music, art. All of it romanticizes romance. 

Capitalism is also another part of the equation. Companies need us to be obsessed with romance, with love. Just look at all the heart-shaped decorations and chocolate boxes and heart-shaped everything being sold in stores, not just on Valentine’s Day (although it’s the 3rd most costly holiday for consumers, with Americans spending $25.8 billion in 2024). Look at the “Tropical Romantic Getaways” being advertised. Imagine how isolating it might feel to someone who doesn’t have a partner or who has no interest in it. And some of you probably don’t have to imagine. 

I’m in no way arguing against the concept of romantic love––no doubt that it can be a wonderful thing. I’m just saying that we’ve become so entrenched in the idea that everyone must strive for it by a certain age, or at all, for our lives to truly have meaning. We are not defined by who we are with, who we have held hands with, or who we have full-on made out with in a public place. Do I want a relationship at some point in my life? Yes. But many don’t, and that’s okay! There are so many other kinds of love in the world; you can love friends, parents, siblings, relatives, pets (especially pets). We’re all human, no matter what our experiences may be.